There are several types of Radicals, from my understanding. There's the Innate Radical who exhibits powers as soon as he's born, or very soon after. There's the Progressive Radical who is born with powers, but doesn't exhibit them until later in life. The Inherited Radical, whose powers are induced or forced on him in some way, whether by accident or purposeful conditioning. There's also a type of Radical that they don't have a word for yet, because not many people know about them. They are Progressive Radicals whose powers don't fully manifest, or not at all. It could be due to a spiritual blockage, or a myriad of other things. They eventually go insane and destroy themselves, usually taking out as many people as they can along with them. That could explain why my father wandered into a busy subway terminal earlier today with dynamite strapped to his chest and murdered over two thousand innocent men, women and children.
Thanks to his prior record, the police identified him from the security tapes, and now they're swarming all over our house, tearing everything apart. We all knew there was something wrong with him. He'd drift around, shaking his head, talking to himself; sometimes he'd bang on the walls, throw things and scream at unseen foes to shut up and go away. He's been on SSI for years because the government thought a mental illness kept him from holding down a job. He was fired in the late 90's for stabbing a coworker in the hand with a ballpoint pen, then chucking the office mini-fridge down the stairs on his way out. He told my sister and I that the man he stabbed was evil, and he had no choice.
He's lucky the firm settled with the coworker in return for him staying the hell away from the office, or he'd have been put in jail, or worse.
We all thought he was crazy at first, but there were times he was able to hear neighbor's conversations, things I whispered to my mom or sister from clear across the house. The creepiest thing ever was when he'd respond to the things I'd been thinking, not saying.
After that, we realized what he was, but didn't understand why he was so messed up. Sometimes he could be rational and normal, but more and more often, he'd just flip out. A year ago, he became eerily calm and quiet. He'd sit in his den and stare out the window, or scribble god-knows-what in his notebooks. Things simmered down, and we began to have hope that he might not be dangerous anymore.
Boy, were we wrong.
The cops take statements from us, but we make it sound like he was just crazy. They say the Radical gene is supposed to be hereditary, and there’s no reason to subject ourselves to court-mandated DNA tests. We made a pact years ago to run with that story, but it was mainly for his funeral so nobody would look upon us with suspicious glares. It’s bad enough the cops are confiscating everything and the media is swarming around like hungry buzzards outside. The spin they’re putting on everything is downright malevolent. They’re calling him a serial killer, a terrorist, a violent lunatic. They’re saying he planned it, and because we refused to give statements, they’re claiming we were in on it. That means people are going to blame us for what he did.
My mother is completely destroyed by this. She hasn’t stopped crying for one moment since she found out what happened. The cops don’t leave until well after one in the morning, and even then the few remaining news crews that have camped out on the lawn accost them for the smallest scrap of information. They try to push their way into the house, and I nearly break some anchorman’s foot closing my front door. We have to disconnect the phones and turn off our cells because they’ve been ringing off the hook. I got angry and threw mine out the window at them. When we’re alone, we’re finally able to grieve for our father. We stay up all night, just talking, crying, and fearing the hell that is to come. My sister and I finally fall asleep on the couch at around eight in the morning with the news crews still outside.
A little while later, we’re abruptly jarred awake by a brick smashing through our window. It sends glass shards flying everywhere. I instinctually roll us both off the couch and land on top of her to protect her from it. When the dust clears, we get up and frantically run through the house looking for our mother. When we find her, she’s in the basement, hanging limply from the ceiling by the clothesline. The sight renders my sister catatonic, and I completely snap.
I begin randomly smashing things, turning over cabinets, ripping legs off the furniture and beating every inanimate object in sight. Before long, I’ve completely trashed the entire house. When I finally gather myself enough to plug in a phone and call 911, they come with police and ambulances to take what’s left of my family away. I go with my sister to the hospital and have to explain to the police what happened. We’re followed and pestered by the media almost the entire time. I manage to escape the hospital without being followed, but I can’t go home because I know they’ll be there waiting for me. I also know that in the mood I’m in, I might just assault and kill one of them, so it’s best I stay away. My parents are dead, my sister’s retreated into herself, and somebody threw a fucking brick through our mother-fucking window. What could possibly make this any worse? Oh right, now I’m wandering the streets like a crazy, murderous hobo.
And wander the streets I do, in a daze for hours. To be honest, I don’t even know where I am anymore. My feet hurt, my stomach is churning from not eating in over twenty-four hours, and my whole face is red and puffy from crying my eyes out all night and day. I sit down on the curb of a busy intersection because it suddenly feels like I’m going to void what little I might have left in my stomach. From my left, I hear a strange sniffing noise.
“Smells sick.” A strange voice comes out of nowhere.
“What did you say?” I look up at a man walking his Schnauzer. The dog is trying to shove his cold little black nose into my neck.
The man squints down at me, pulling his dog away. “What? Nothing.” He gives me a dirty, lingering look as he crosses to the other side of the street. The dog looks back at me once, and then follows.
I think I really should eat something, because I’m starting to hear things. I don’t particularly feel hungry; in fact, I’ve ceased being able to feel anything at this point. I get up and force myself to keep walking, though I don’t know why. I think maybe I should find myself a park bench somewhere and sleep. I end up settling for a bench at a bus stop. Since all the rage, grief and adrenaline have worn off, all I feel is a profound, bone-weary exhaustion.
I’m woken up early the next morning by dozens of voices arguing with each other over food. They’re telling each other to move over, share with the rest, save some, et cetera. I must be surrounded by more hobos. Out of annoyance, I cover my ears with my arms, trying to block out the noise. When I finally open my eyes, I don’t see anyone around, but the voices are still there! Am I going crazy too? I look down and to my horror; there are dozens of pigeons in a dog pile fighting over a crust of bread.
Crap, I really am insane.
“Shut up!” I scream at them, clasping my ears shut, though my voice doesn’t sound like my voice at all.
A sudden hush falls over them, as every one of their little heads dart up to glare unblinkingly at me.
“It talked!” One of them gasps, and as a unit, they all fly away.
I sit up, my jaw agape. Am I dreaming? What the hell is going on here? Those pigeons land in single file on a building across the street to continue glaring at me. Every one of them is freaking out. They’re dancing and twisting around, muttering to one another. I can tell by their body language, though I’ve never been able to tell that kind of thing before.
I pinch myself. “Ouch.” I frown, rubbing the sore spot. It’s official, being a Radical really is hereditary; only instead of getting something cool like super strength or the ability to shoot fireballs down the street, I get the gift of understanding pigeons. Oh joy, oh rapture.
So what do I do now that I’m not merely human anymore? Do I become a pet psychologist and get rich? Do I sign up for the military and join the Radical Control Corps? Not that I have anything against Radicals, I mean my father was one, and I’m sure someone before him was as well. This city has an interesting and colorful history thanks to Radicals. When I was a kid, there was a Radical who could conjure monsters from his mind. He was only eight years old, so of course he thought that letting loose a bunch of dragons in the city would be the coolest thing in the world. I thought so too, even when they ate several buildings and killed hundreds. The Mantles, a bunch of Radicals that have gone rogue and taken to vigilantism eventually rounded them up, but I’m not sure of what ultimately became of them. I know the R.C.C. took the boy, god knows what they did with him.
So, to prevent any more disasters, our brilliant mayor concocted this half-baked idea to put anti-aircraft missiles on top of key buildings so that if dragons or anything ever attacks the city again, we could better protect ourselves. Less than three months later, a super-villain named Atomi hijacked the missiles and held the entire city hostage for several hours. Eventually, the Mantles stopped her and the R.C.C. took her as well. After that, the mayor realized what a moron he was and took down the missiles. I could go on about the different things I’ve seen and heard in my nineteen years on this earth, but you get the idea. This world would be so boring without Radicals, so who am I to complain? My life just got a whole lot more interesting. Maybe one day, the R.C.C. will come after me too.
I glance back up at the row of pigeons, which number almost twice what they were before, with several more soaring across the sky to join them. “Oh sure, line up to see the freaky, talking human.” I muse out loud to them. I should charge admission. I get up, stretch and start walking. The crowd of pigeons follows me, hopping and flying from one building to the next. I check the handful of dollars in my pocket and get a large croissant from a street vendor, then sit on some church steps and eat. Before I know it, a handful of the pigeons are pacing restlessly on the sidewalk below, looking at me.
“Hey.” One of them speaks up warily, hopping up the steps. “Can you really talk?”
“I guess so.” I scratch my head.
He leaps back down in surprise, flapping his wings. “WOW! I never thought I’d live to see the day!”
“Yeah, I’m a freak.” I take another bite.
“You are a blessing!” He hops back up onto the steps to approach me, closer than he dared to before, eyeing my breakfast hungrily. “You could tell the other apes to…”
“Apes??” I narrow my eyes at him, straightening my shoulders.
“Ah, oops.” He hops down a few steps out of my reach.
“Is that what you call us? Apes?”
“Sometimes sheep, sometimes monkeys, sometimes other, worse things.”
“Should I call you a chicken?”
“What’s a chicken?”
“A bird that humans eat… a whole lot of.” My gaze meets his angrily.
“Oh.” He flies back down to the ground. Three more of them fly over to join him, pacing and turning, pecking the base of the steps to let me know they’re hungry.
“Can the ape really talk?” One of them asks the first.
“I have a name, you know!” I throw my arms up to emphasize. All four of them flee to the curb in fear. They all make this strange head-ducking movement that I’ve never seen any pigeon do, but I understand that it means they’ve done something wrong.
“What will you be called then, human?” One of them asks.
I sigh. “My name is Killian, not ape.”
“Greetings, Killian Not-Ape.” They approach the steps again. “I am Ingrown-Bulb-Claw, this is my hatchling, Poops-Long, this is my roost-mate Pecks-Bugs-Heads, and you’ve already met our scout, Seeks-Food.”
“Um… Hi.” I offer them an uncomfortable wave.
“Are you going to eat all that?” The scout, Seeks-Food boldly asks. I look at it, unsure of how to respond. Right now, eating it starting to make me nauseous. “If you spare each of us a small piece, I’ll show you a nice, safe place to sleep.” They all brave a few steps closer to my breakfast and me.
“How would you know where a safe place for a human would be?”
“Because Stone-Eater lives there, and he doesn’t let anyone inside; not birds, humans or even rats. But he owes me a favor, and will let you stay if I ask him to.”
“Who’s Stone-Eater?” Whoever he is, he doesn’t sound friendly.
“Ah-ah, food first.” He pecks the ground. “Those who have more must share with those who have less. That’s an important lesson humans seem to have forgotten.”
I look longingly at my croissant. “Look, I know if I feed you, the rest of your friends will beam over here and fight for it, so how about I give a piece to you, then lay the rest at the bottom for your friends? While they pick and fight over it, you can take me to your friend.”
He blinks his muddy orange eyes at me. “Sounds like a plan.” Trots right by my foot, closer than any pigeons come to me before, and I warily break off a piece to feed to him. He grabs it from my hand so greedily that I have to reel back and check to see if I still have all my fingers. Right on cue, the rest of his little mafia comes flying over little by little. By the time he’s gobbled it all up, the rest of his friends are pacing at the bottom of the stairs impatiently.
“Tell it to throw some our way, scout!”
“Tell it!”
“Share the food!”
“Don’t be greedy!”
“Tell it about the bad bread!”
“Yes, bad bread!”
”Tell it!”
I begin breaking up the rest of the pastry in my hands, planning on throwing it to them all at once. “Bad bread? What are they talking about?”
“Ah yes, I was going to add that into our deal but your food distracted me.”
Tell it! Throw the bread! Tell it! Tell it!” They’re cooing at me in a chorus now.
“There’s an ape… I mean a human, putting down bread that kills us.” Seeks struggles to be heard over his friends’ demands.
“Is it poisoned? Can’t you smell it?”
“We peck, not smell. There’s no way of telling this bad bread from others. There is many of us to feed at we must eat.”
“Are they doing it on purpose? Do you know where this human lives?”
“It lays down this bad bread at night when we sleep. Many have died, the crows, the magpies, and the sparrows.
“Throw the bread!!”
“Alright, I will, calm down! Let him finish telling me!”
There’s a brief window of silence as Seeks continues. “The Ravens think they know where it lives, or at least the vicinity.” He follows by pecking a crumb I dropped off my shoe, and I actually find it cute. “After I take you to see Stone-Eater, I’ll bring you to the Ravens, but you should bring an offering of meat, or they will tell you nothing.”
“Alrighty.” I raise my arms and let the bread rain down upon my new friends. They go, for lack of a better term, ape-shit. “C’mon then.”
“Delight!” Seeks shouts and takes off into the air. He gets as far as the next block before it dawns on him that I can’t sprout wings and follow him. He comes back for me, and I’m still standing on the steps with my hands on my hips. “I remembered that I forgot something… you’re not a pigeon.”
“No, Seeks. I’m not.” I sigh in frustration, wondering if someday my power would evolve and I might be able to fly like a pigeon. That would be wicked. “Whatever, just walk with me. Hop on my shoulder or something, or tell me which way to turn.”
“Hop on your what? I can only get there if I see it from above. Watch where I land and follow that way.” He takes off again and lands on the building across the street. Stone-Eater. It sounds like a giant, maw-watering gargoyle that would eat Seeks for lunch. I follow, hoping that when I get there, it doesn’t decide to eat my balls for dessert.
Seeks-Food takes me a long way. We’re doing this fly-land-watch-walk routine for at least a half an hour before we come up to boarded-up house with seven-foot high wooden panels spanning the property, blocking any hope of entry. There’s massive graffiti scrawled across every inch of the wooden fence and boarded windows. This looks like a crack house, sans the little holes in the window boards to fit gun barrels through. It’s kind of humoring to see this place in between a dentists office and a psychic reading place, in the middle of a mostly residential neighborhood. Seeks lands on top of the wooden fence and scours around for Stone-Eater.
“I don’t think he’s around.” He sounds disappointed.
I go up to the fence and look for any little crack of hole I can peek into. “I think I might know a way to get his attention.” I smack my palm against the fence, making it shake.
Seeks gasps in fright. “No, not that way, Killian, Not-Ape, he will come out angry and will not be reasoned with!”
“Well, what is he, a dog? Maybe I can offer him some food.”
“It’s too late, here he comes.” Seeks flitters to the ground behind me.
I hear distinct growling coming from the other side of the fence. He’s not saying anything per se, merely letting the threatening tone of the growl speak for itself. It’s an angry, dominating, territorial growl.
“Um, Stone-Eater?” I bark. A yip, actually, and I have to stop for a moment to keep from laughing at myself.
The growling stops, and I hear sniffing. “Who’s there? If you’re a dog, the vile monkey-stench has covered up your scent.” The voice is distinctly female. I suppose a pigeon wouldn’t be able to discern the sex of a dog, any more than we could a pigeon.
“I’m not a dog, but I can speak to you. I’m with your pigeon friend.”
She huffs. “Pigeons are food, not friends!” She snarls. “And if you are not a dog, what are you?”
“My name is Killian, and I’m a friend. I mean, I used to be a human, but I’m not anymore.”
“You are not?” Seeks quirks his little head at me.
“That explains the filthy stench!” She barks furiously, throwing herself against the fence. She must be huge because the force of her weight sends me sailing backwards onto my ass. Seeks takes off into flight. “Stay where you belong, foul ape! Step one paw into my domain and I shall tear your throat out!”
Seeks lands at the top of the fence to look down at her. “Stone-Eater, calm down.”
“You.” She grunts. “I know you, bird. You pecked my chain out of the ground. Why have you brought this evil thing to my home?”
“He’s no ordinary human. His name is Killian Not-Ape, and he can talk to us; he’s probably the first in centuries. Through him, we might change things.”
“BAH!” He huffs. “Humans don’t change, bird.” I hear her pacing restlessly, angrily behind the fence. It sounds like she’s dragging a chain behind her as she walks.
“I can get that chain off your neck if you want.” I offer weakly. “I can’t promise anything will change, I mean, I know how small-minded and hurtful my people are. I know how badly we’ve screwed things up. All I can tell you is that I don’t think like them anymore. I’ll do everything I possibly can to make things better but you have to talk to me and tell me what needs to be done.”
“What needs to be done? Ape, your eyes may be open but they aren’t seeing a thing. Look around you and it will become apparent what needs to be done.”
“We’re flying off course!” Seeks flaps his wings about to get our attention. “Open eyes or not, Killian is an invaluable resource to us; if the apes find him, all hope is lost. He needs a place to hide where we can teach and guide him to the way things should be.”
“And what good would it do? One ape against many?”
“I’m not an ape!” I interject.
She growls at me. “Yes you are. You were born an ape, and you shall be an ape until you die.”
“Accord, please!”
“Look,” I sigh, willing to overlook the blatant, venomous insults she’s been throwing at me. “The Mantles do huge, course-changing things all the time, and they number only a few. If they can alter the way things are done, I have a very good chance. People don’t think anything of hurting animals because they can’t understand you. If I act as your voice, maybe they’ll see the error of their ways.”
“And maybe I’ll poop kibble.” She sighs. “You must be very young to be this idealistic.”
“I’m… matured.”
“What is Mantles?” Seeks blinks at me from his perch.
“Not-Apes like me, who see the world for what it is and seek to change things for the better, not caring if our laws prohibit it.”
“And they succeed?”
“Ah, the other humans hunt them. They track them with all sorts of devices. They even have a military force dedicated to dealing with them. Despite this, they have their victories. A little at a time… that’s how things work. Humans change little bits at a time.”
“That’s not very encouraging.” She begins to pant, which means she’s finally calmed down.
“This is why we must hide him.” Seeks continues. “Please, may he stay with you?”
“NO!” She snaps. “MY territory! None step foot on my land and live!”
“I came in and I’m still here.” Seeks points out.
“That’s different, you did me a good turn so I spared your life. We are even; but pass the threshold of that gate again and I’ll be passing your bones and feathers tomorrow.”
“This is a waste of time, Seeks. It’s obvious she’s happy with the way things are and doesn’t want them to change.”
“Idiot!” She snarls. “Fool!” I feel her weight on the fence again. “You know nothing of what I’ve lived through! The only change I’ll be happy with is when every last ape is DEAD!”
“Thanks, I’ll be sure to let you know if that ever happens.” I walk away. “C’mon, Seeks. We aren’t getting any help from her.”
“What now then?” He calls to me, taking off from his perch.
“To the Ravens. Let’s hope they’re more accommodating.”
So we do what we did before: fly-land-watch-walk. We’re well on our way and I begin to get these horrible pains in my stomach. So bad, in fact, that I have to stop and lean up against a mailbox. “You are tired?” Seeks perches on the telephone wire above me.
“I’m sick.” I reply. People passing by look at me strangely, and why shouldn’t they? I’m holding my stomach, making strange cooing sounds. I know I’d be gawking.
“Did Stone-Eater get you sick? Maybe he has fleas and they jumped the fence.”
I look up at him, not giving a shit what people think. “Stone-Eater made me angry. I don’t know why I’m sick. Maybe it’s stress.” I sit down on a nearby bench, and Seeks flies down to sit immediately next to me. Now people are looking at us like we’re the oddest couple of friends they’ve ever seen.
“Did he upset you that badly? Haven’t you gotten that reaction before?”
“Never. I didn’t know I could do this until I heard you guys arguing this morning. I knew animals were afraid of us but I didn’t expect that level of hatred. Aren’t dogs supposed to love humans?”
“Normally, but you guys technically broke your pact.”
I squint at him. “What pact?”
“What pact?” He echoes, looking genuinely surprised. “You don’t know the story?”
“I know lots of stories; which one are you referring to?”
“The story of Dog.”
“Which dog?”
“No, Dog. The Totem, Dog.”
I Pause. “Wait, what?”
He sighs dramatically. “Are you joking? You don’t know what a Totem is? It’s a Mother or Father spirit of that specific animal, or plant, or mineral, or everything. Like, all us Pigeons call on Pigeon, who is the Spirit Father of all Pigeons. Do you understand?”
“I… think so. Do humans have a Totem?”
You guys have an Ancestor Spirit, I think. I can’t believe this story hasn’t been passed down to you. All humans should know about The Pact.”
“What pact are you talking about? With who?”
“Augh, with Dog. I can’t believe I’m the one who has to tell you this!”
“So tell me already!”
“Fine.” He grumbles, getting comfortable, tucking his feet all the way under his body. “Once upon a time, the world was covered in ice, and you humans were nothing but a bunch of crafters and pack hunters. You differed from the rest of us, but we were all part of one circle. We accepted you; we could all talk to each other. We were all of The Great Mother.”
“Great Mother?” I interrupt.
“Yeah, you’re standing on Her right now. Pay attention.” He clears his throat and I listen. “There came the day when you proved just how different you were from us, when you committed a terrible, horrible atrocity, the first of many to come; you hunted the Wooly Mammoth to extinction. In a panic, the Totems called a Grand Conclave, at which they debated at great length for many moons about what they should do about you guys. After much heated deliberation, they agreed on a solution and called forth Man, or your Ancestor Spirit to speak on His children’s behalf before passing judgment. ‘My children need to eat,’ said Man. ‘Our tribes grow numerous. Mammoths are large and slow, and one kill can feed them all. The bones can be made into tools and spear tips; nothing goes to waste. My children honor them.’
‘Honor them?’ Another Totem argued. ‘When the last Mammoth was dead, it forced their Spirit Father into a slumber from which it will never wake!’
‘I assure you, my children did not know.’
Another said, ‘You have broken the sacred pact between hunter and prey. This cannot be forgiven; you have proven yourself a callous and unworthy hunter, therefore we must banish you from our succor. You are no longer welcome in our circles, Two-Legs. You are hereby branded a Death-Bringer. Now go.’
Man’s Ancestor Spirit raged against this verdict. ‘You would banish me and my children to walk unaided in this harsh world?’ His gaze fell on the stern, angry faces of his once-cousins and pleaded for their sympathy. ‘My children have no claws or fangs or fur. Isn’t there any one of you who would walk beside us? Anyone at all?’ A hush fell over the assembly of Totems. Eyes darted to and fro in suspense. Man waited and prayed to the Great Mother.
It was then that Dog stepped forth with his head bowed. ‘It is true that Man caused Mammoth’s Great Death, but if they walk alone, they will surely perish as well, and that is also wrong.’ The wide-eyes of the crowd fell upon him in disbelief.
‘Dog,’ One warned. ‘You realize that if you walk beside Man, you will share his Lot. You will likewise be banished and forsaken. You will be considered a traitorous mongrel, and have to rely solely on Man to protect and provide for you.’
‘I understand.’
‘Dog, I feel compelled to warn you. If Man’s children continue on this destructive path, they will abuse and neglect you as gratitude for your tremendous sacrifice. Do you wish that on your children?’
Man knelt down to face his new friend. ‘For your tremendous sacrifice, you shall always be honored. Your children will always be provided for, warm, happy and safe. This I swear to you, we will from this day forth be best friends.’
‘Dog, do you trust him to keep this pact?’”
“I think we’ve pretty much kept that pact!” I argue defensively.
“Oh yeah? Tell that to Stone-Eater, ask him why he’s got no use for anybody on four, two or any number legs.”
“Her. Stone-Eater is female. And that’s her choice. Most dogs aren’t like her.”
“Well, I’ve seen and heard different. C’mon, Killian. Don’t you see how your kind treats us? Dogs? Everything else?”
An awkward moment passes. I guess he would know more than me. I can’t think of a decent enough defense, so I decide to drop the subject. “So what are we going to offer the Ravens?”
“Ravens? Oh, is that where we’re going?”
“Yeah, you said they knew where the human was that was poisoning you. What are we going to offer?”
“Ravens like meat.” He bobs his head matter-of-factly.
“Well, I can’t afford meat. What else do they like?”
“Hmm.” He hops to the ground, twirling around a few times. “They like shiny things. Yes, they looooove shiny things.”
“Alright, what’s shiny around here that we could bring to them?” I get up and look around at all the litter on the floor: napkins, cigarette butts, candy and cheeseburger wrappers, and what’s this, a soda can? Not shiny enough. Gosh, people are disgusting. There are more things on the floor than in the garbage pail not three feet away. Wait a minute, there’s tin foil sticking out of the trash bin. Tin foil is shiny! “Ah-ha!” I say in English, reaching into the trash to pick it out. It’s greasy and smelly, and shit, I just became a nasty garbage picker, but lo and behold, there’s a half of a shish-ka-bob inside.
Bonus! “Alright, my friend, now we have shiny AND meat.” I point at him. “Take me to your Ravens!” I get more odd stares from people passing by. Ah, fuck ‘em all.
Seeks flies up to speak with a bunch of pigeons that have been staring at us the whole time. I’m not within hearing range, but I can understand most of what’s being said through their movements, which makes up for 80% of their language. A while later, he comes back to see me. “The Ravens gather East of here, near grass.”
I think for a moment. “I know a park East of here, that’s probably where they are. I’ll meet you there.” By now, my stomach has begun to calm down, so we’re mobile again. It doesn’t take us long to get there because we both know the way.
By the time I arrive, I see a small flock of about fifteen giant black birds occupying a patch of trees. It’s comforting, since Ravens have been known to travel in murders of up to two hundred. One of them is telling the others a story about how two giant metal beasts tried to eat each other at the same time and they both ended up dead. “They collided with the most deafening of roars!” The one exclaims. “It was a sight to be seen!”
“An outlandish tale.” Another tells the first. “Sure to get you pecked.” The others laugh furiously. They quiet down as I approach.
“We should fly.” One of them mutters.
I look up at them, holding up the tin foil. “You should all stay and listen, for I come bearing gifts.”
“GAAAGGHHHHHHH!!” They all completely freak out and take off in different directions. I can’t help but start laughing. Seeks, who’s perched in a nearby tree laughs as well. We also have the undivided attention of some sparrows by a nearby bench.
“Assemble! Flock, assemble!” One of them cries, perching in a nearby tree. “We’re fit to be mocked! Assemble!” They slowly land in strategic perches; trees, benches, poles, until all of them are surrounding me.
“The monkey uttered words. REAL words, not just their meaningless monkey-babble.” This statement gets the rest of them going.
“A stranger thing I have not seen with mine own!”
“We must make it speak again! Maybe a riddle!”
“Yes, a riddle!”
“Will it speak again!”
“No one will believe this, we will be pecked!”
“Have they been able to speak this whole time?”
“Oh no, we’ve been tricked!”
“Look, it’s holding a shiny!”
Over a dozen voices caw at me at once, and I have to shut my ears or risk going deaf. “Stop it, guys. Shut up for a second, will you?”
“It spoke again!”
“Mine own do not lie!”
“What is that shiny??”
“We must tell everyone of this!”
“Make it say a riddle!”
“A riddle! A riddle!”
“Gawd, if I say a riddle will you shut the hell up and listen to me??”
“A riddle! It’s saying a riddle!” And then they spend the next solid minute shushing each other. Seeks and I look at each other in a moment of stunned silence. After that, I figure I’d better get my words in edgewise.
“Okay, first of all, I came because of some human laying down poisonous bread. My pigeon friend said you knew…“
“A riddle!!” They all repeat him, and then shush each other again.
“FINE! I’ll tell the damn riddle, relax yourselves!” I mull over what few of them I know in my head for the ones they might actually understand. I come up with the perfect one, something my mom used to bug me with when I was little and I had a motor mouth like these guys. “What is broken every time it is spoken?”
They mutter to themselves. “Silence!” One of them shouts, and they all have to repeat it ad nauseum for the next two minutes. Then one of them says, “Challenge us, monkey!” They all laugh mockingly at me.
“Alright, you want a hard one?” Hmm, do I know any hard ones? “What has a mouth but cannot chew?” That one stumped me for three days in Junior High. This, they ponder.
“We are wasting daylight.” Seeks flies down to stand beside me. “It will be all gone soon and we’ll be asleep.”
“Can’t you break night?” I watch him pace impatiently, bobbing his little head as he walks.
“Break what now?"
“Stay up all night. I used to do it sometimes, when my brain wouldn’t shut up. When we find out where this bastard lives, we can have ourselves a good old-fashioned stake out. We can stay up all night and watch which house he comes out of.”
Seeks turns his head to the side to glare at me. “And when should I sleep, in the morning when I could be searching for food? You’re insane. I can’t do that.”
“Not even if it saves the lives of your people? C’mon, we’ll do it together. You can keep me awake and I’ll do the same for you.”
“Ravens!” one of them shouts abruptly. “We have mouths and do not chew. We tear, pick and gulp!”
“Nope!” I point back at them. “You have little teeth inside those beaks so you do chew. Give up?”
“Not even a little. This requires further deliberation!” And they continue to discuss amongst themselves. I sigh, slumping my shoulders. This could take all day. “A hatchling!” Another shouts. “Their mother chews for them!”
“Hmm, technically you’re right, but that’s not the real answer to the riddle.”
“Give us a hint!”
“I will, on one condition.”
“The monkey wants a condition!” They all laugh at me. “Let us humor him. What’s your condition, riddling monkey?”
“First of all, my name is Killian. Second, I want to know where the poisoner lives. That’s why I came here and that’s why I dug this out of the garbage for you!” I shake the tin foil package at them furiously. “So that you’ll tell me. If you tell me this, I’ll give you the answer!”
“Where the poisoner lives.” They mimic me, one after the other. “We know not of what you speak, monkey Killian.”
“I’M NOT A MONKEY!” I ball my fists and stop hard on the grass like a kid having a temper tantrum. “I wish you fucking animals would stop calling me shit like that!” My rage is met with a dozen-strong chorus of mocking laughter. I’m so fed up that I turn on my heels and storm off towards the exit. They fly up to try and head me off, landing on the ground in front of me to block my path.
“No need to stomp off now.” One of them manages to gather himself enough to address me in a halfway respectful tone. “Killian, you said? Whatever you wish to be called, that’s fine. Who is this poisoner you seek?”
I take a deep breath and count to five in my head before answering him. “The one laying down bad bread, killing all the pigeons.”
“Ah yes, the one who comes out at night. Why do you seek it?”
“My friend asked me to prevent any more of his people from dying.” I motion towards Seeks, who’s hiding up in a tree.
“When you kill it, can we have its eyes?”
“I… I really don’t know what I’m going to do. If I kill him, other humans will come looking for me.”
“Are there other humans like you, who can talk?” Another Raven asks.
“As far as I know, I’m the only one.”
Seeks comes out of hiding, creeping to the edge of the branch. “That’s why it’s important that the other humans not find him. He could change things for us.”
The Ravens perk, finally grasping what’s going on here. “There will be no blood on your hands, Riddling-Killian. When you find this bird-slayer, show it to us. We will kill it, and we will share its eyes!” There comes after that a great chorus of caws, like a battle cry, so loud that I have to drop the tin foil to the ground to clasp my ears shut. They take off into the air like fighter planes, momentarily blotting out the setting sun. Seeks takes off to follow them so that he could lead me there later. Let’s just hope he remembers.
___
It’s past Seeks’ bedtime. It’s getting dark earlier now, just a bit after six. There’s an autumn chill in the air that bites through my cotton hoodie. He’d lead me to a quiet residential neighborhood a good ways away from the park, long after the Ravens had settled down for the night. They managed to narrow my search down to one block, but it could be either side of the street. I’m starving, so I end up eating the meat I’d saved for the Ravens, since they were more interested in my riddles. What a weird bunch they were! I hope my dealings with them in the future are brief. I’d managed to climb onto a roof with several trees obscuring my position. Seeks is curled up next to me with his head tucked into his chest. I never knew pigeons look so damn cute when they sleep.
Eight-thirty and there’s absolutely nothing to do but wait. How do cops do this all the time? Preferably, they have a partner to chat with, donuts, coffee and radio. I glance at Seeks; he’s still sound asleep and I resist the urge to wake him up merely to keep me entertained. There are people going in and out of houses, walking down the block, but nothing incriminating. I’m so bored and I have to pee.
Eight-fifty. I climbed down to pee in someone’s driveway and climbed back up again. I was almost spotted too, but I’m way too slick. So now I’m just sitting here staring blankly into space, bored out of my skull. I don’t even know if this is the right block. I’m going on sketchy information from a bunch of sketchier Ravens. I suddenly catch movement out of the corner of my eye- a squirrel! It’s glaring at me, clinging to a nearby tree. “Hey.” I squeak to it.
It jumps in surprise, and then darts down the tree like a lunatic. I get a hearty chuckle out of it. I doubt I’ll ever get tired out of that reaction. The squirrel should be coming back up to scope me out in three, two, one… “Oh my.” I see that fuzzy little head pop out of a hole in the tree. “Did you just… noooo.”
“Speak? Yes I did.”
“ACK!” He shrieks, ducking back into the hole.
“Haha, it’s okay, I won’t hurt you.”
He peeks back out warily. “What has possessed creation to create a talking human?” He slowly inches himself back out, glaring at me with those ink drop eyes.
“I do believe I’m a Radical. That means I look like a human and smell like a human, but I can do things other humans can’t, like have a conversation with you.”
“How many others…can…”
“Just me. Radicals can do all sorts of different things.”
He gasps, those tiny little digits gripping hard onto the mouth of the tree hole. “You’re… the only one? Oh my. I’ve often thought about what I would tell humans if they ever understood me, but now…”
“Your mind went blank? That happens to me too.”
His adorable little face suddenly contorts in anger. “Stop cutting down my trees.” He blurts out. “Stop piling stone and white poison on top of the grass. When acorns fall from the trees, don’t sweep them away, finding food is hard enough!”
“Wow, that’s quite a list.”
“I’m not done! Stop making loud things! Don’t let your cats and dogs hunt squirrels!”
“My friend, I’m sorry to cut you off, but I’m not responsible for any of that. I’m actually trying to stop it. There’s a human here who’s laying down bad bread, killing birds. I’m trying to find him and stop the murders.”
“Oh.” He blinks, standing up straight. “That’s surprisingly… noble.”
“For a human? I know, thank you. You’re the first animal I’ve come across that hasn’t called me a monkey or an ape.”
The squirrel chuckles. “I wasn’t going to say it in front of you, it wouldn’t be polite. But I know the bad bread you speak of. By mid-morning, there are many dead. Yesterday, a dog ate some and died. Her human was making this horrible wailing sound. There was lots of commotion.”
“Really, the humans?”
“Oh yes. They chattered in their monkey-babble, no offense. They gathered and rallied over there, by those steps, with the big round orange food. They sounded angry and loud. There was a lot of loudness, and I’m not sure what happened.”
“Wait, they gathered by those steps?” I point across the street at the stoop with the pumpkin. “They just went straight over there, like they knew who was responsible?”
“Um, you know, now that you mention it, yes. They went straight there. Lots and lots of loudness.”
I take a good look at that house. It’s got lots of air conditioners, awnings, even a car in the driveway with lots of pigeon poop all over them. In fact, there are a few others on this block that look like they were equally as targeted. Of course, people don’t just wake up one day and decide to poison birds. This is probably someone who’s been complaining about it a long time. Maybe they tried to take it up with Animal Control first, and when that failed, tried another venue, like petitioning. When he felt there was no other alternative, this guy probably got fed up and decided to take matters into his own hands. All this time, I’ve been going about this the wrong way, asking around in the wrong circles. I’d have been better off asking the neighbors. “Well, what happened when they confronted the human who lives there?” I ask the squirrel.
“Nothing, really. They eventually came back to this side, chattered more, went inside and there was no more loudness.”
I look at my watch, a bit after ten. “Alright, my friend, Thank you for all your useful information. If I had food I’d give it to you, but all I can offer you is the knowledge that after tonight, there will be no more bad bread.”
His little eyes sparkle. “That’s enough for now. Good luck!” He darts back into the tree.
I ponder over my next course of action. Should I investigate the house? Continue to wait and maybe catch him in the act? I poke at Seeks.
“Muh?” He moans when I shake him awake.
“Hey, up and Adam, I know which house it is.”
“That’s nice, wake me when it’s all over.” He curls up tighter than he was before.
“Seeks, I’m breaking in, I need somebody to watch my back. C’mon, buddy.”
“Ughhhh…” His eyes open and blink at different times. “Alright, I’m awake. Gah, it’s still dark out!” His wings flap a bit in dismay.
“Well, right now I need you to keep those eyes open for me so I don’t get arrested!” I get up and start climbing down the side of the house. Halfway down, I glance through a window and manage to spot a woman undressing. I stop short and stare at her as she pulls her bra off. “Whoa.” I whisper to myself, eyes wide.
“Hey!” Seeks made it down to the driveway already, flapping his wings at me. “What did you, get stuck? Hurry up!”
She turns towards the window, those plump breasts still naked and free. I get so scared that she’ll see me that I let go of the drainage pipe. Proof that man cannot fly: I go freefalling into the garbage cans with a loud enough crash that the entire neighborhood hears me. I get up unharmed, due to only falling a handful of feet, and frantically crawl under the car. Lights go on, dogs start barking, windows open up and I see shadows of people looking down into this driveway. Seeks, god bless him, is still out in the open, flapping his wings around to draw attention.
“What the hell is going on down there? Lloyd, get the flashlight!” I hear an old woman yell.
“It’s just a damn pigeon, I think he fell from the roof or something. Must be those kids shootin’ beebee guns again.” Some guy yells back.
“A pigeon?” I see a flashlight being shined down on him. “Oh my god, you’re right, there it is.”
“You’ll be the death of me, Killian!” If pigeons could growl, that would be mighty close. He scurries under the car with me, and then leans his head over to peck my hand with that thick, sharp beak.
“Augh!” I pull away from him, banging my head on the bottom of the car. “Okay, I’m a klutz! I’m sorry!”
“You’re like a one-winged hatchling.” He glares at me. “Now with the humans about, we’re trapped under this sleeping beast. I hope you’re satisfied.”
“It’s a car, and it’s not alive. There needs to be a human inside controlling it for it to move.”
“Really? So when one of these things hits a pigeon, it’s really just a human?”
“Sadly, yes. And most of the time, they’re aiming.”
“I would never delude myself otherwise.” He remarks, now angrier.
I hear a screen door slam. “Stupid pigeons.” A female voice grumbles in annoyance. I see her come out in a bright yellow robe and slippers to straighten out her garbage cans. Is that the lady whose titties I just saw? I pray she doesn’t look under the car. “Falling from the roof? That doesn’t make any goddamn sense. I’ll bet it was a cat or something.” She huffs, her feet right in front of us. We both sit as still as statues. “Yeah, a cat chasing a pigeon. That’s far more likely.” Neither of us can breathe as she stomps up the stairs, closes and locks the door. In fact, it takes several more long moments before we’re able to breathe again.
Slowly but surely, the excitement dies down and people go back to their evening routines. Finally, I break the tense silence. “I’m sorry we’re such horrible creatures, Seeks.” I pout at him. “I’m sorry we give you so many reasons to hate us.”
“You aren’t one of them.” He sighs, tucking his head back into his chest like he’s ready to go back to sleep.
“I was, up until just recently. I still smell like one, I sometimes still think and act like one.
“But you can understand us.” His eyes close.
“That helps, but my people do bad things to each other too. I guess it’s just in our nature to be the way we are.” I stare at him. “Seeks, you can’t go back to sleep. I still need you. Seeks?”
“Zzzz…”
“Seeks!” I poke at him, his body tilts limply and he opens his eyes a bit.
“It’s my sleep time, Killian.”
“Well, fight it! I’m doing this for you!”
“Ugh.” He sighs, getting back onto his little clawed feet. “You’re right. Where are we off to again?”
“That house across the street, with the pumpkin… the big orange thing over there.”
“Ah, right.” He blinks sleepily. “What do we need the big orange thing for?”
“No, that’s where the poisoner lives. I’m going to force my way inside and see about catching him in the act. You need to stay with me and…”
“Wait a moment.” He blinks again, his eyes getting more focused. “You want me to go inside there with you?”
“Yeah, you need to keep a lookout if…”
“Inside the coop of the human who poisons pigeons?? Are you MAD? I’m not going in there!”
“I’ll be with you the whole time!”
“No. I’ll wait on the roof and let you know if there’s commotion, but I’m not going in there. That’s suicide!”
“And fall asleep on duty? Yeah right, you’re coming inside with me and that’s final.” I attempt to grab for him and he backs up out of my reach. “Seeks, c’mon now, please?”
He tries to peck at my encroaching hand as I wiggle my way towards him. “No, Killian, you are my friend. Please don’t make me go in there. I’m frightened!”
“I won’t let anyone hurt you. They’d go after me first, I’m the bigger threat.”
“I don’t understand why you need me, you could sneak in there better if you are alone. It will hear us talking and attack. Why do you need me?”
“Because I’m scared too!” I confess, getting all misty-eyed. “I’ve never done anything like this before and I don’t want to die! Where I come from, friends stick together; they help each other, no matter what happens! No matter how scared we are!”
There’s a long moment of silence where we just stare at each other. He finally sighs in resignation. “I don’t think we’re being watched anymore. It will be safe for us to go now.”
I let out a sound that’s a half giggle-half sigh but it sounds more like a sob. “Thank you, Seeks. You’re a good friend.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He waddles out from under the car, ruffling his tail feathers at me. “Let’s go before we miss the poisoner.”
We dart out of the driveway and across the street, surveying the area for any onlookers. I make my way into the poisoner’s driveway as nonchalantly as I can, looking for any way I could sneak into the house. I see an old woman washing dishes through the kitchen window. Could that be the poisoner? An old lady, I doubt it. There has to be someone else who lives here. Around the back of the house, there’s a small basement window open that I might be able to squeeze through. “No verbal talking once we’re inside, okay?” I turn towards Seeks, who’s about a foot or so behind. He blinks in agreement. “Stick by me, watch behind me.”
“I’ll try to be above you where the humans can’t reach me.”
“Ah, this way you can see what’s all around me. Good thinking.” I stroke down his back with my palm. He beams. I stick my hands into my sleeves, lie down on my stomach and stick my head through the window to see what I’ve got to land on. The room is dark, but for the slight flickering illumination from a television set. From what I can tell, it looks like the basement has been converted into a bedroom. There’s a dresser below the window I can use to land on, but I have to be careful not to knock over any of the tons of trinkets on top. The door leading upstairs is immediately in front of me, and there’s a huge bookcase blocking my view of whoever’s lying on the bed. I’ll just have to lower myself down quietly and sneak past and through the door. That’s about where my plan ends, but it’s better than nothing.
“Are you alright?” Seeks rubs his face against my arm as I pull myself out.
“Yeah, I’m ready. You okay?”
“I’m very frightened.”
“Me too. Keep that, it’s good for you. Let’s go.” I sit down and stick my feet through the window. Thank god I’m lanky. I try to feel for the nick-knacks with my foot, attempting to gently push them aside to allow roof for me to stand.
“Be careful.” Seeks whispers to me. I smile back at him as one of my feet is planted firmly on the bookcase. One down, one to go. This is actually pretty cool, I feel like a ninja. No, I feel like a second chance. This might be the start of a way to help make up for all the grimy shit my people have done. I feel as though Man, the Ancestor Spirit has chosen me to make amends for all our horrible sins, and it feels… righteous.
I end up separating all the trinkets to either side of the bookcase with both my big feet planted in the middle. I slowly edge my butt off the windowsill and more of my body inside, and doing this is really starting to make my back hurt, but I’m almost in. I hear distinct grunting, like someone’s working out. I finally get my head in and let go of the window, ending up in a crouching position on top of the bookcase. Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed by a sensation I’ve never felt before. It feels as though I’m walking on a pond that’s been frozen over, and I’ve become scathingly aware that the ice beneath me is cracking and I’m about to fall through.
If you needed more proof that man cannot fly, the full weight of my body causes the bookcase and everything on it to crash to the floor with my stupid, untrained, unskilled ninja ass on top of the pile. Somewhere, the Ancestor Spirit is smacking his forehead, saying to himself, “Oh well, I guess it’s back to the drawing board.”
“What the fuck??” I hear somebody leap off the bed and come towards me. It’s a guy around my age, maybe a bit older, wearing boxers and a wife beater, cock diesel like he pours steroids over his corn flakes. He’s gripping the forty pound dumbbell he’s been pumping, holding it like he’s gonna bash my brains in with it.
I really don’t know what I could possibly say in my own defense, so I decide to be a complete douchebag. “Dude, you need to get sturdier furniture.” I scold him, pushing splintered pieces of wood and broken trinkets off me so I could get up.
His face twists and tightens in anger. “Are you like, the stupidest robber alive or what? I’m going to fucking kill you, and get away with it.” He raises the dumbbell over his head with both hands, about to bring it down and crush my head. All I can do is shield my face with my hands like a big pussy.
I hear Seeks come in through the window and fly above us, hovering immediately above my attacker. Instinctually, we both look up. “Hey poisoner—here’s poop in your eye!” He promptly lets a wet one drop right in the guy’s face. He lets out a tortured cry and completely freaks out trying to wipe it off.
“Close enough, my friend!” My foot swings up to nail him right in the jewels. He drops the barbell right onto his own foot, screams and collapses to the floor, huffing and sobbing in pain. Out of panic, I grab a bookend and bean him over the head with it, hoping to knock him out. His body goes limp.
“We did it!” Seeks cheers from his perch on the light fixture.
I search for a pulse but can’t find any. “Oh god, I think I killed him!” I try to turn him over but he’s too heavy. “Ohh, no, no. I can’t believe he’s dead.”
“That’s wonderful, Killian! We make a really good team!”
“No! Seeks, you don’t understand, I didn’t want to kill him!”
“You didn’t? Then why did you hit him on the head?”
“He was screaming! I didn’t want the old woman to hear!” I begin to panic, looking around for anything I could use to… to what? Cover it up? I’ve just broken into a person’s home and murdered a man, and now my first reaction is to cover it up. I’m officially a Super Criminal. The R.C.C. is going to come looking for me, and I’ll end up like that kid who conjured monsters. It isn’t bad enough that my parents are dead and my sister’s in a mental ward, but now I’m going to be running from the Military. The fact that the old woman isn’t already on her way down here means that she’s most likely on the phone with the police right now.
“Old woman?” Seeks arches his neck over to look down at me quizzically. “There’s an other human in the house? What if she’s the poisoner too?”
“The old lady? I don’t think so, this guy was the asshole. That’s probably his grandmother or something.” Just as I say that, there’s a sudden creaking on the stairs leading down to this room. In a blind panic, I leap up and close the door. That old lady is coming down the stairs. What the hell am I gonna do??
“Gino, I heard a noise. Are you alright?”
Oh god, oh god!! Out of desperation, I mimic the brutish, arrogant voice as best I can, holding the door shut. “Yeah, grandma. Just dropped something on my foot.”
She pauses for a long moment. I’m about to shit my pants.
“Only you.” She chuckles. “Well, I’m off to go on my walk in a few minutes. There’s a twenty on the table if you want to order some pizza.”
I clear my throat. “Kay, thanks.” Her walk? Wait a minute.
“You’re welcome.” She begins to walk back up the stairs. “Maybe I’ll pick up some cough drops for you on my way home, you sound like you’re coming down with something.” I soundlessly turn the knob, open the door a bit and steal a peek at her as she climbs the stairs. She’s holding a big plastic bag filled with… bread.
Son of a bitch!!! Why didn’t this ever occur to me? Grunts like this guy only think with their fists, he wouldn’t have the patience or the guile to kill pigeons that way. Poison has always been a female thing. I’m so stupid!!!
I sit with my back against the door and my knees to my chest, covering my face in grief. Seeks hops down and waddles over to me. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“Oh god, I just killed an innocent man. It was the old lady the whole time! She’s going out right now to lay down bad bread!”
He gasps. “Oh no, we have to stop her!”
“But what about him?” I motion to the man whose life I needlessly took.
“You were defending yourself, get over it. When this is all over, we’ll hide you. I won’t let the humans take you away, but we must fly!”
“You’re right, you’re right.” I fight the tears. “I’ve come too far to turn back now.” I force myself off the floor, sniffle a bit and crack the door open to listen for her. I still hear her creaking around upstairs, which means I have a few moments at least. Glancing around, I spot a bandana in the corner and it occurs to me that if I’m going to be doing this, I need to at least cover my face so nobody can identify me. My family’s been disgraced enough. I grab it and tie it around my face like an old west bank robber. In his closet, I find a bunch of coats, thicker and warmer than this hoodie. I’ll swim in them, but it’s a necessity if I’m going to be out on the streets this winter. I choose a long black polyester button-down with a hood. In the pocket, I find a pair of black gloves too, which would’ve come in handy about ten minutes ago. I slide on the gloves and decide to rummage around for anything else I could use. I manage to find a pocketknife, a bunch of gaudy silver and gold chains, and three hundred some-odd bucks in the dresser. Too bad his shin-high leather boots are too small or I’d steal those too.
“She’s gone, I think.” Seeks peeks his little head inside the bedroom door.
“Good, let’s go.” I steal once last glance at poor Gino, and then lock the door from the inside so no one could get in after we leave. We both quickly and quietly make our way up the stairs. The house is dark and massively creepy. Everything is that little too neat. It smells strange, like vinegar, pledge and something else I can’t identify. There’s plastic on all the furniture. I glance out the window and see her walking down the block with that plastic bag in her hand. I grab the money off the table and slip out the back door, locking it behind me. Seeks is already perched on the telephone pole out front, waiting for me to emerge from the driveway.
“Hurry up, she’s getting away!” He flaps his wings frantically.
“I’m right behind you, buddy.” I turn out of the driveway and head down the block after her. He hops along the wire to keep up with me. “We need to get that bag away from her. Any ideas?”
“I might have one. Follow my lead!” He takes off into the air ahead of me. I bolt into a full run after him. I turn the corner and see her walking way down the block. I spot Seeks making a B-line straight for her head. Oh no, what’s he going to do? I taught him to face his fears and created a monster. With this thought in my head, I run faster towards them. He swoops down like a fighter plane and boldly claws at the back of the woman’s head.
She screams and blindly flails her arms around trying to protect herself. “Filthy creature!” She hisses. He turns around and dive bombs for her head again. She ducks down with another scream, putting her arms up over her head defensively. Just then, I run by, swiping the plastic bag of poisoned bread and continue to run, as if I’d just stolen her purse. “AAHHHHH!” She shrieks, louder than before. I’m not sure if she tries to run after me, because I turn another corner, keep going and don’t look back.
Several blocks later, I collapse on somebody’s front steps. “That was amazing!” Seeks sets down next to me on the top step. “We make an excellent team!” I can’t respond, because I can’t seem to catch my breath. I pull the bandana down to my neck and grab rapid, shallow gasps of air. “I mean… wow! The way you dashed and grabbed the bread! I didn’t know humans could move that fast!” I continue to pant breathlessly at him, lying on my back. He takes a good look at me, and from the way I’m lying, he appears to be upside-down. “That really wore you out, huh? It’s okay, it’s over now; we did it.”
“Hahhh… yeah, we did.”
“So what happens now?”
“Now?” I huff through my nose and sit up, even though it feels like I’ve just been kicked in the ribs. “Now, we wake the Ravens.”
He gets that scared look in his eyes again. “Yellow poop.” He sighs.
___
Lo and behold, the flock of Ravens is right where we found them before, in the trees at the park. It took a while to walk here because of how dead tired I am. Seeks stays by my side because he’s worried about me. We come up to the sleeping birds and I remember how obnoxious they were to me. Still sore about it, I decide to let them see just how obnoxious I could be to them. “Rise and shine!” I clap my hands as loudly as I can. “C’mon, birdies, up and Adam!”
They jerk awake with a start. “Huh?”
“What’s going on?”
“Who is that?”
“Hey!” I shout, still clapping. “This is your wake-up call. Open those little eyes, I need your attention!”
“It’s Riddling Killian.” One of them observes.
“Killian?”
“It’s still dark out! What could he possibly want at this time?”
“I know it’s your sleep time and all, but I found the poisoner and took her bread! She’s at her house right now!” I shake the bag at them.
“Good, you found it, now kill it and let us be!”
“But you said you’d take care of it, that you’d kill her, and share her eyes, remember that?”
They groan. “Maybe in the morning. Let us sleep now, Riddling-Killian.”
Goddammit, I should’ve known better than to trust a bunch of sketchy Ravens at their word. I’m going to have to be forceful. “Hey! You never answered my riddle!” They turn away and grumble at me in annoyance. “I won’t leave you in peace until you solve it! So either solve my riddle or come with me now!”
“Let us sleep!” They’re getting grumpy now, and suddenly the tree is alive with twisting, angry black shapes.
“Killian…” Seeks whispers to me, walking back a few paces. “Please, don’t irritate them, they could devour you.”
“No, I don’t care!” I stomp my feet in fury. “It’s one or the other or I’ll never go away!” I find myself shaking now, not really caring what happens to me; the need to resolve this has utterly consumed me.
“A RIVER!” one of the Ravens caws out loudly to me, and I fall silent. “What has a mouth but does not chew, right? The answer is a river. Now leave us.”
All I can do is stand there like a dolt and sniffle. That moment lasts an eternity when I realize that Seeks and I truly are on our own. Without another word, I turn my back on them, toss the bag of bread into the garbage can and walk away. The Ravens go back to sleep.
“What now?” Seeks walks by my feet, and now I’m beginning to have trouble keeping up with him.
“Now nothing. If nobody else cares if this bitch sees justice, I won’t anymore either.”
He sighs. “Come now, Killian, we’ve worked so hard. You can’t just give up.”
I take a deep breath and lean up against a bench, feeling the full exhaustion of the last two days weighing on me like a ton of bricks. “I need to rest, Seeks. I’m sorry, I can’t go on.” I sit on the bench and then stretch out across it.
Seeks hops up onto my chest and curls up into his sleeping position. “Alright then, we’ll rest together.”
“Sleep well, my friend.”
“You too.” I close my eyes and fall into such a deep slumber, I don’t even dream.”
___
“Up and Adam.” I feel a peck on my nose. I open one eye and see the rising sun gleaming directly into my face, blocked partially by a Raven standing on my chest. “Wake up, Riddling-Killian. It’s morning, time for vengeance.”
“What? Where’s Seeks?” I sit up and the bird hops onto the back of the bench, curling his beak downwards to pick at my auburn hair.
“Your pigeon friend? He’s at the poisoner’s nest.”
“What??” I stand bolt upright. “Alone!?”
“Haha, he’s been waiting for you. Let’s fly.” He takes off into the air and I go running after him.
When I finally get back to the poisoner’s block, I see birds- loads of them. More birds than I’ve ever seen in one place in all my life. More birds than was ever dreamt of in an Alfred Hitchcock movie. Birds of all shapes, sizes and colors. Ravens, Crows, Woodpeckers, Sparrows, Geese, Grackles, Pigeons, Ducks, Cardinals, Magpies, Starlings, Robins, Blue Jays, Finches, Hawks, Doves, Parrots, Seagulls, Falcons and even a freakin’ Cockatiel. Birds I’ve never seen before and can’t identify. They cover every inch of the surrounding telephone cable, every roof, every tree branch, every air conditioner, every balcony, and every windowsill. If I didn’t know they’re all here because I called them, I’d be pinching a loaf in my fucking pants right now.
“Good morning, Killian.” Seeks swoops down and lands at my feet.
“A good morning it is, my friend.” I smile, pulling my bandana over my face and my hood over my head. “A perfect morning, in fact.”
“Never been more so.” He follows me proudly as I walk across the street and up the poisoner’s steps. Thousands of little eyes watch me as I ring the bell, then bang angrily on the door. They watch and they wait.
A moment goes by and I ring the bell again. I hear her crotchety voice coming from the other side of the door. “Alright, I’m coming! Keep your shirt on!” Most people would think to look out the peephole before they answer the door, but I guess it’s too early for her to think. She pulls the door open and the first thing I do is put my foot inside so she can’t close it on me. Then, I place my gloved hand around her throat. Her face drains of all color when she sees me, and more importantly, what’s behind me.
“Hello, murderer.” I growl through gritted teeth. “I am Vengeance, and I want you to meet a few of my friends.”
“Augghh…oh god!” She garbles, her eyes wide as saucers. “Don’t kill me!”
I grin behind my mask, but she can’t see. “I’m not going to kill you, but you will have to answer to them.” I let go of her neck, and step to the side of the doorway. Her eyes now focus on the staggering amount of birds out there waiting for her, including the few humans brave enough to glare unblinkingly out their windows. It begins to sink in, and her eyes well up with tears. Not tears for all the lives she took, but for her own.
“What… how…?”
I turn to face my feathered audience. “My bird friends!” I shout in Hawk, and then switch to Pigeon. It’s all the same language, just different dialects. It doesn’t matter which I speak in, they all understand. I’m just doing it out of respect, and effect. “This is the poisoner!” Now in Sparrow. “This is the soulless APE who lays down the bad bread that kills your kind!”
She stares slack-jawed at me in disbelief. “What are you… are you… speaking to them?”
I ignore her and continue in Seagull. “She feels no remorse!” Now in Magpie. “If she isn’t stopped, the killings will continue!” Now in Raven. “The Humans don’t take you seriously now because they can’t understand you. Today is the day… you shall make yourselves… UNDERSTOOD!!”
And just like that, they charge. All of them, all at once, like a cloud of locusts, raining down bloody retribution on this woman like a plague. Thousands of wings, big and small and everything in between beat and flap wildly towards the door with a deafening howl. I leap over the banister out of the line of fire and land in the garden. The woman doesn’t try to run, nor does she scream; she’s been frozen in place with awe and abject terror. The wafture of birds washes over her like a tsunami, and doesn’t stop for several long minutes.
The commotion inside the house is even louder. Seeks flies down and perches unsteadily on my shoulder so he could see into the window, which cracks and spiders as her body goes flailing into it, then hits the floor with an audible thud. There’s an outline of blood where her body smashed into the glass, which seeps out through the cracks just enough to look like something out of a slasher flick.
People start inching slowly out of their houses now, not sure of whether to glare openly at the open doorway or at me. I narrow my eyes at the emerging humans, now perhaps getting a bit ahead of myself. “A new age is dawning, apes!” I snarl at them. A few of them gasp in horror. Seeks flies off. “Spread the word! The next one of you who thinks about harming an animal, think of your murdering neighbor. Know that if you follow her path…” I point at them. “Vengeance with rain down upon YOU NEXT!”
I wish I could just drop a smoke pellet and vanish, or sprout wings and fly away, but I settle for running down the block and around the corner. I think they’re sufficiently impressed now! The few people that are out and about this early glare at me as I run by. I hear Seeks behind me. “What now, Killian?”
“Now I really need to hide.” I brave a glance back at him, slowing down to a trot. “Now we visit Stone-Eater.”
“Yellow poop.” He sighs, and follows.
___
By the time we get back to the tall wooden fence, I’m winded again. I seriously need a car… or a bike. I’d settle for a bike. Stone-Eater is barking, cursing up a storm; I’ve been able to hear her for blocks. Now that I’ve arrived, I can see who’s been pissing her off. Some stupid kid is standing up on the dentist office balcony snapping rubber bands into her yard. Fed up of people in general, I hop up the steps, leap over the banister and heft myself onto the balcony where the kid is standing.
“Whoa.” He stops when he sees me. “What the hell are you?” I respond by lunging at him, picking him up by the lapels of his jacket and shoving him up against the railing. “AACCK!” His voice cracks. “Let go of me!”
“You think that’s funny, tormenting a dog like that??” He gasps and kicks his legs as I push half his body over the railing. “Is this funny too? You think I should drop your pathetic ass into her yard so she can eat you?” I glance past him and take my first good look at Stone-Eater. She’s an enormous pure-bred Rottie with one eye, one ear, missing teeth and patches of missing fur all over her scarred up body from cuts, cigarette burns and most likely fights with other dogs. It physically hurts me to think about what she had to endure to end up looking like that. It makes me want to punish this idiot all the more.
“Please, mister, let me go!”
I lean in close so that my nose is touching his. He glares terrified into my eyes, which is all he can see of my face thanks to Gino’s skull-pattern handkerchief. “Once, a long time ago, when we were nothing but cavemen, Dog saved our lives; stood by us when no one else would. We owe His children more than we could possibly repay. Do you understand??” He begins to sob, nodding his head. “Good.” I grunt. “I’ll be watching you. If you’re ever cruel to a dog, or any other animal for that matter, I’ll find you, bring you back here and let her have her revenge.”
“Oh god, please no. I’ll be good, I promise!” I search his eyes, and do believe he means it.
I pull him back onto the landing and slap the back of his head. “Alright, now get the fuck back inside, you little brat.” He sobs and does as I say. By now, Stone-Eater has stopped barking, and is staring up at me knowingly. I climb over the railing and leap down into her yard. She backs up warily, beginning to growl. I stand my ground. “I need to hide out here.”
“I already told you, no.” The hackles on the back of her neck rise; she’s ready for a fight.
“If I have to beat you in a fight for you to let me stay, then I will.” I flex my arms and crack my knuckles.
“Then we shall fight, ape.” She snarls, drool dribbling down her chin. We circle each other slowly, meaningfully. I prepare for this animal to devour my entrails.
The gate thrashes suddenly and we both jump from tension. “Hey, puppy!” Some kid yells, shaking the fence violently. A bunch of his friends laugh, joining in.
“Do you know these jerks?”
She growls. “They come around nearly every day to shake the fence and antagonize me.” I can barely hear her over the ruckus these dumbasses are making.
“If I make it so that they never come back, will you let me stay?”
She glares at me suspiciously. “Break down the fence so that I may get out and chase them down, and you may stay in my territory for one full moon cycle. After that, you must find yourself someplace else.”
What is that, a month? I’ve done a lot more for a hell of a lot less. “You got yourself a deal.” I go around to the side and find a nice weak spot in the wooden paneling. I take down a plank in such a way where I can put it back up later. “Over here, Stone-Eater, knock ‘em dead.”
“That’s the idea.” She barrels past me and runs around front where the kids are, barking like a lunatic. Listening to these assholes scream like bitches and run in terror for blocks is the most fun I’ve had in a while.
It’s actually pretty comfortable inside the house, even though there isn’t much furniture. I find out that the reason Stone-Eater hasn’t starved to death is because the Gypsies from the psychic place next door throw kibble and chewy bones over the fence for her once in a while. When I’m not wearing the long coat and bandana, nobody recognizes me, so I’m still able to walk around the neighborhood freely. I pass by a newsstand the next day and see a fuzzy image of myself in front of the poisoner’s house addressing all the birds. Apparently, someone was watching through the eye of a video camera and taped the whole thing. It was posted on youtube less than a half hour later. The newspapers are calling me the Bird Boy, the Avenger, the Beast Master, and most amazing of all, a Mantle.
When the cops had come to clean up what the birds had left in their wake, they found the poisoner’s rat poison and strychnine supply. The neighbors verified that she’d been killing birds, and even somebody’s dog. They say she was a horrible person and got exactly what she deserved. The funny thing is that her body, picked clean by thousands of little beaks was the same way they found her grandson’s body downstairs. Completely skeletal, covered in feathers and tons of bird shit. They had pecked through the door and consumed his remains, along with any evidence that I’d smashed his head in with a bookend.
Hah…WOOHOO!!
I take out some of good ole’ Gino’s money and buy the paper, plus a crapload of dried fruit, nuts, beef jerky and candy bars to stock up the house with.
All too soon, word gets around of who I am and where I’m shacking up. All kinds of animals, large and small come to Stone-Eater’s house to see me, keep me busy, ask me to do them favors and bring me meager offerings as payment like acorns, pieces of nest, stale bread, mouse and cricket corpses, most of which goes to Stone-Eater. Why waste? As it would turn out, my new canine friend turns out to be a pretty cool roommate after all. She tells me all kinds of stories; some that make me laugh, some that downright mortify me, all of which I wish I’d known earlier. I lavish her with the kind of affection she’s never known before, and will probably miss like hell when I’m gone. At night, we stand out in the yard and howl at the top of our lungs. It’s freakin’ awesome.
Seeks comes to visit me a lot, along with the Ravens, though Stone-Eater doesn’t like them too much. I feed them and tell them stories about the things I’ve done to help change things around here. Everything from smashing a bee-bee gun over some jackoff’s face to finding a grieving mother’s kittens, to rescuing a frog trapped in a drainage pipe. It’s a hard life, and Gino’s money is running out quick, but never in my life have I felt so free, so needed, so loved. I figure by the time the month is over, the cops and media will have stopped watching my parents’ house so I can sneak back there. Maybe I’ll even brave a visit to the hospital to see my sister. That would be nice.
One night, I’m coming back to Stone-Eater’s house from mediating a dispute between two alley cats for territory, when standing on the outside of the wooden plank gate is none other than Abbaddon himself. Abbaddon is the leader of the Mantles. He’s brutal, violent, elusive and has been known to take on hoards of highly trained R.C.C. squads by himself and come out unscathed. He’s the Mantle all the other Mantles jump through hoops for, and he’s standing here in all his trench-coated glory, no doubt waiting for me. He sees me and I have to fight the urge to run. The scariest man on Earth just found me! Holy fucking crap, what do I do?
“Good evening, Avenger.” He stands up straight, his posture impeccable, like a soldier. He’s got this tinted SWAT helmet on with a big white skull painted on it, that’s creepy as hell and seems to be the one talking to you.
“Uhhh… ahhhh…” I back up a few paces in a mounting panic. What does he want? Is he going to tell me to stop what I’m doing? Is he going to try to talk me out of the life I’ve chosen for myself?
“It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you.” He puts his hands up non-threateningly, and I relax a little. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
“Why??” I glare at him defensively.
“Well, at first it was to question you about your father, but then you disappeared, and now it’s merely to congratulate you on the incredible job you’re doing.”
“Um, really?” I smile. “Cool, thanks! Wow, this is a huge honor.”
“How long are you staying here?” He motions to the shack behind him.
“Only for another two weeks. Then I’ve got somewhere else to go.”
“Your old house is still being monitored.” He crosses his arms. How did he know that’s where I would go? This guy really is good. “I have a better idea, why don’t you come with me?” He leaves a break in his speech for me to respond, but all I can do is stare wide-eyed at him. A part of me still doesn’t believe this is happening. “I can train you, help you reach your full potential, make you into the Mantle I know you can be. No more hiding from cops, from the military, living off candy bars and cashews. If you want to see your sister, you’ll have twenty chaperones if it makes you more comfortable. We can even move you and her to a secluded house if you want. The Mantles are a family, Avenger, and we’re welcoming you in. What do you say?”
I think about it seriously for a moment. Me- a Mantle: trained, competent and fearsome. It’ll be like, Dr. Doolittle meets Batman. I think about what the Ancestor Spirit would want me to do, and the image of me crashing through Gino’s bookcase because I don’t know how to pick locks rushes back to mind.
Yeah… that was pretty weak.
I look at the house where Stone-Eater awaits my return. It would be really nice to sleep in a real bed again, to eat real food again and take a nice, long shower. “I kinda… have to… say goodbye to a few friends before I go.”
“Excellent.” I can hear the smile in his voice as he strides confidently up to me, slapping me on the back, nearly sending me sailing. I look up at him and force a smile, wondering if I’ve wandered off the path. Keeping humble is part of what keeps me on the animals’ level. If I start living like a human again, will I stop being able to relate to them as well? What if the Mantles have other plans for my powers that don’t involve me helping animals? I really don’t know much about them or their goals, only the “violent lunatic vigilante” propaganda they spout on the news. I walk towards the house to say goodbye to Stone-Eater. The knot in my stomach makes me wonder if I’ve made the right decision.
Well, whatever happens, I’m in for the ride of my life.
As a friend of mine always says, yellow poop, which I assume to mean, “aw, crap”.
fin
Other Roads
